Sebastian Valmont is a writer, critic, photographer and traveler that writes when he is able to. Mainly, between work shifts and the mundanity of everyday life.

Site Mantra

There are three guiding principles to this website: no deadlines, no ads and no bosses.

Throughout the years I have attempted to start a website. At first I wanted it to be an archive of my fiction writing, then a review site for movies and video games, then an artsy-pretentious experimental art page. I've gone through a lot of phases in my youth, and eventually the energy and novelty wears off. I let the domain expire, and never mention the site again. I never thought I would start a website and keep up with it, and this is my last shot at it. My mantra of no deadlines, no ads and no bosses backs this up- there is no expectation of writing a set amount of articles every month and in return, there are no ads to clog up your page. I don't care to make any money off of this website- if it ever becomes so cumbersome and expensive that it negatively affects my life, I will simply say goodbye and leave the archives up for all eternity. I am not a clout chaser- feedback is welcome, but I am not interested in becoming super famous and will not sacrifice the quality of my work.

Grading Style

Our favorite critics all have preferences and writing styles. My preferences favor technical prowess, production quality, entertainment value, excellent writing and believable acting. This means that the vast majority of films I watch are produced by major studios or have been released by a notable label- I certainly do watch more obscure or "arthouse" content, but I find that many are disappointing or grossly overrated. Since time is so limited and there are many things I like to do besides watch movies or play video games, I am very selective about what media I consume. Each section under "Reviews" on my site will have a general grading criteria to give the reader a better understanding of where I come from when grading.

Questions? Always feel free to ask!

Please send an email to with any questions, concerns or inquiries!

Inspirations and Recommendations

These are websites that have influenced and entertained me throughout the years. Some are regularly updated, some are dormant or even extinct. I hope they entertain you as much as they entertained me.

The West Virginia Surf Report: A comedy site that started as a zine back in the 1980's- ran by Jeff Kay who shares his experience of being a middle aged dad in suburban Pennsylvania. Super hilarious, especially the stories about "Nancy" and "Nostrils."

I-Mockery: No longer updated due to the webmaster's wife passing away. This is the website that got me into retro gaming, movies and web design. Another site that spun off from a zine, and there are over twenty years of content hosted on here.

Video Game Critic: Another older website dating back to 1999. The short blurb-like reviews are entertaining and the message board is thriving and entertaining.

Roger Ebert: The greatest critic of all time, and the single biggest influence to my review style. I didn't always agree with his opinions, but his reviews and blog taught me about critical thinking and analysis in a way that is tangible. May he rest in peace.

Stephen King: King is my all-time favorite writer- he writes popular literature but doesn't skimp at all. While not all of his books are great, the influence he has had on popular media in the last half century is undeniable. Movies, video games, books, music; just about every form of media has been influenced by his novels. He specializes in horror but has dabbled in just about every genre, showing his flexibility and intelligence. I also highly recommend the books he has written under the pseudonym "Richard Bachman," mainly The Running Man.

The Angry Video Game Nerd: James Rolfe, aka the "Angry Video Game Nerd," is the granddaddy of the YouTube review. While certainly not the first to do so, he remains relevant to this day by reviewing retro video games. He channels angry adolescent energy toward the bad video games we played as a child; something very relatable as a child of the 1990's, when a game rental would be a bust and you're out of your allowance money. His newer content is controversial and debatably lower quality, but he has occasional gems (notably, the Pepsiman episode.)